Mixed Feelings

My suitcase is stilling on my bedroom floor empty as an... empty something. I should be packing, or at least listing what I need. But instead I'm sitting at my computer writing.
I'm leaving for France a week tomorrow. I'll be there for a month on exchange with a really lovely host family. I'm going to have an amazing time.

And I'm terrified.

Some of you may or may not know that I'm not the most confident person in the world, nor the most emotionally stable. The fact I'm even flying alone is an achievement for me.
But I neeeeeeed to do this.
Like, if i don't do this i will be disappointed in myself forever.
Because I know I can. I am 100% capable of doing this.

I cried in public today which i hate. You have no idea. cause when i start crying, i worry because im crying and people can see me so i keep crying and then its vicious cycle of badness.
My tiredness from the past year, the nervousness about my upcoming HSC year, and the ongoing situation at home plus this nervousness about going away all contributed kinda badly.
But all of these are also reasons I need a major sea changed. I think it is important to acknowledge them in order to let them go.

I can't wait. I really can't. As terrified as I am, this is going to be amazing.


So that probably didn't make much coherent sense, but I'm feeling better as per usual with these Journally things.
I'm looking forward to the upcoming week. Spending time with my family and friends before Christmas, Chirstmas itself, The Hobbit on Boxing Day and then off to France on the 28th.

That is, unless we all die tomorrow.
Which we won't.
But just in case, it was nice knowing you all! Have a happy afterlife.